It’s not a diaper Woman! They’re shorts…

My husband in a moment of temporary madness brought on by years of frustration, confusion & utter desperation tried to give one of our beloved dogs away for free on Craigslist.

Now before you pull out your arsenal of internet rocks & stone him to death rest assured my ‘boy’ is still with us and always will be only now he wears ‘shorts’…

I didn’t always have Bear with me.  I first met Bear when I met my husband who wasn’t my husband at the time but one of many men I had adult play sessions with.  At first I couldn’t tell ‘what’ Bear was when Miguel brought him over to my sanctuary casa for the first time to met us all as his eyes were non-existent covered completely by his overgrown ungroomed kept brownish white mop of a coat.

He didn’t have feet either from what I could tell and ears were a question mark still needing to be answered.  He did have a nose though which helped me figure out where his head was and quite possibly a set of eyes?

Bear was Miguel’s dog. All that was left after a separation from his previous wife and Miguel didn’t even really want him nor did his ex so Miguel took him yet there he was standing right in front of me as my pack of 6 at the time consisting of 3 dogs & 3 cats, Sissy, Sugar, Poopie, Sylvester, Tiny & Whitey all stared at him questioning what in the hell he was as well, as for all intents & purposes he didn’t look like a dog but instead a filthy dirty cotton ball which appeared to have the amazing ability to grow fur; a lot of fur.

See Bear’s a pisser.  There I said it.  This boy has stealth-like sonar radar with heat seeking missile dead on accuracy for anything he has yet to lift his leg on and pee on aka: mark.  He’s also sneaky as in 3 years I have yet to ever see him do the deed yet if given the chance he will annihilate an entire house with his pee-shooter.

How do I know it’s Bear doing the deed? Well, that’s a story for another day but it’s him.

Of course when Miguel introduced to me this walking cotton ball of matted overgrown shrubbery he failed to mention this less than desirable trait nor that it was due to this trait alone that had led to he and his previous wife not really wanting the dog or the fact that Bear was now an ‘outside’ dog due to his habit.

Miguel drew the short stick in the draw & Bear was now his.

I’ve always been a rescuer.  From as long as I can remember I was draggin in any stray whether it needed help or not; I thought it did, from baby rodents, kittens, puppies, birds, opossums, to unidentifiable living creatures that no one was able to truly name as they were so small and nearly half dead that identification was impossible. I realize now that many of the unidentifiables were more than likely rats and mice but I didn’t care they needed help and no one else was doing anything about it so it was up to me.

Miguel must have seen me coming a mile away now that I think about it.

Did I mention that Miguel failed to debrief me on Bear’s wicked ways?  Well he did.  I offered to take Bear in, clean him up train him & socialize him as it became immediately clear to me that Bear was a loner and very uncomfortable with my pack as he could be found off alone by himself sleeping or just hanging out while my pack were all kicking it comfortably together.

Bear also liked to chase cats, this I would learn right off the bat as before I ever allowed him into my home I put Miguel through the customary drill of questions screening Bear pre-arrival as I will not put my own at risk for another.

Well suffice to say Bear was officially re-trained within less than a month of hanging out with me & my beloved pack in my sanctuary casa and his previous habit of chasing cats & reign of terror laid to rest as that shit aint gonna fly on my watch.

Bear also didn’t know the first thing about how to play with another dog. I had to admit this was a new one on me as in all my years of animal guardianship this was the first time I’d ever seen a dog scared to death, uncomfortable & utterly confused as to what he was seeing as well as what his individual role was supposed to be in the situation as my own pack would break out in their usual multi times a day play sessions, running around like blissfully happy care free maniacs chasing each other around the house & yard before tiring and passing out in an hour long nap session.

But damn could that dog pee on anything moving or not. Playing he was having no part of preferring the company of humans or himself over these other creatures he was still trying to figure out what in the hell they were and why they wouldn’t leave him alone.

Bear followed me everywhere. I couldn’t shake that dog with a stick. He wanted very little if anything to do with Miguel or any of my pack getting up and moving away from any of them as they would approach him to play, sniff or simply to lay down beside him to rest and sleep. Any contact with anyone other than me made him uncomfortable.

Yet I digress.  Back to Miguels momentary lapse in judgement and his futile attempt at finding Bear a new home.

I was at work one day when I arrived home and would learn of Bears pee-fest in our home. Bear’s hung like a horse so containing his pee-stick has been a challenge.  A huge challenge. Miguel had reached his breaking point and announced he had had enough and would putting a post up on CL giving Bear away to as good of a home as he could locate.

Tears flowed like a open faucet from my eyes and down my cheeks and face uncontrollably as he told me… Then anger at both Bear & Miguel. Then frustration at both Miguel & Bear. Finally settling back in into my original starting place of sorrow and devestation.

I informed Miguel that there was no way in hell he was giving away any one of my pack and that despite my own frustration with the situation and apparently futile years of re-training in which Bear had come so far this area here wasn’t a deal breaker for me.

But, that if he insisted on putting up the ad he’d better put it up and do so honestly disclosing Bear’s assaultive wiener-stick . He agreed.

Here’s what Miguel “needed”:

To vent frustration, disappointment ,anger; you name it. He just had to get it out & do “something” with it.

Here’s what Miguel got: Time to do that. Oh yeah and a Reality Check.

That reality check came in the form of a sit down between he and I where I delivered the brutally honest truth which had yet to be told.

Miguel and his choices to date in the ‘how’ to raise, train, socialize and love Bear were at the root cause of this unbearable peeing situation nearly 6 years after he initially adopted Bear. I had only had Bear in my life for 2 years so far & during this time Bear was beginning to come into his own… So much self-transformation, discovery, understanding & growth.  Bear was the happiest I’d ever seen him & Miguel had to admit that he didn’t recognize this dog either.

Miguel sucked at being a doggie daddy. For years he sucked & sucked miserably.

And now he had the audacity to punish Bear for his own human failures & poor choices?

Here he is, with just one furry baby to care for while I was guardian of 6 at the time (the 7th one straggled in & joined my band of perfectly imperfect rescue misfits somewhere in-between the beginning of Bears story and now) 6; and all 6 were well trained, socialized, cared & provided for, loved & knew their own position within the family pack and here Miguel was trying to lay Bear’s ‘issue’ at Bears feet?  Um no, no we’re not going to go there.

Nope. Not on my watch Mister…

The CL Ad came down and we looked into additional things we could do to contain Bears pee-stick which I have nicknamed the weenis. Weenis is a combo of the words penis & wiener. I invented the word and its a kick ass word so don’t be surprised if you see it around and becomes all the rage.  It’s an awesome word.

I have a thing about nicknames.  Everyone gets one and often times I assign more than one to every living creature.  It’s just my thing.

These days Bear sports shorts.  Surprisingly he loves his shorts and eagerly waits for us to put them back on him after his outside potty break sessions throughout each day. Bear also loves wearing his sweater and is at his happiest when dressed in both his sweater and his shorts which he is nearly every single day.


Bear today. Sleeping by me in the office in his man-shorts and sweater while I work… Yes, I found his eyes.

Simple Solutions is the brand & design that fits Bear to a T and they get washed regularly holding up well in the wash. He doesn’t seem to mind that the style is labeled for sale for females either.  He’s comfortable with this masculinity.

Why do we call them shorts? Well, because Miguel strongly disliked the diaper word & stated that because Bear was a grown dog-man he’d be wearing shorts not a diaper. Besides Bear really didn’t seem to like the word diaper looking back it wasn’t until we changed the name to shorts that he became addicted to them eagerly anticipating their application a million and one times a day after each outside potty break…

Dude you have no idea the weirdness that is our pack of 10 (8 animals, 2 humans) but it works for us.

Did we ever re-train Bear not to assault everything within his reach?

Hell no. But it aint for a lack of effort on our part and to date Bear has been the most challenging pup I have ever cared for in my life. Sometimes when faced with situations that despite our 100% best efforts still won’t correct we are faced with choices & options.

Miguel’s option was one.  Mine another.  The addition of suspenders to his outfit didn’t exactly go as planned but we’re revisiting that idea as I type.  Together we reached a happy medium compromise.

These days Bear isn’t a loner anymore either… Actually, most days he can be found crammed into the biggest doggie bed we have along with the other 3 despite the fact that there are more doggie beds in this house than human beds they appear to prefer this one over all the rest.

He can still be found sleeping alone but it doesn’t seem to last long before either Poopie, Sissy, Mama Cat or Tiny locate him & snuggle in up close to him; whether he asks for it or not but these days he no longer gets up & moves away from them.  Progress…

Poodle Love

Bear and Sis sleeping by me in the office today as I work. He’s seldom alone for long…

Mama Cat our 7th straggler of the pack has a thing for Bear though and a huge crush on him following him around everywhere.  She’s got a thing for his shorts & his fluffy now-groomed tail too which is rather disturbing on so many levels.

He’s quite perplexed & doesn’t know what to make of  her cat-crush yet but that’s a story for another day…

Miguel?  Well, he never did get one response on his CL post you know. Not a one….

Jana Leigh Thomas-Ortega












Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s