I Just Found The Tweezers. A Moment of Truth…

” Yep! That’s all mine however consider each strand as an olive-branch of womanhood… They look much longer & coarser than they really are… Or so I tell myself.”

I am a Goddess and I’m not being arrogant about it.  It’s just fact.

What woman doesn’t desire to and adore feeling like a sensual Tigress ready to pounce 24/7 even on her worst day?

Precisely.

That’s why when I misplaced my only set of coveted tweezers which works better than any of the other four-thousand-eighty-four I’ve purchased and refuse to use because none of them work as well as the one just finding it tonight hiding away in the same drawer I’ve been ripping apart and interrogating for the past 5 weeks or was it longer I was ecstatic as I just found her right where I’d left her.

In the back of the most embarrassingly discombobulated top bathroom drawer just sitting there like she’s been there the entire time laughing at me & waiting for me…

While I do love my Goddess status it doesn’t come without a price and lately pajamas, beanie caps, headbands, sweat pants and a tops that should have been thrown out years ago and are at least twice as big as my actual frame is have become my new daily wardrobe.

Finishing this daily wardrobe off with my vintage pair of 11 year old UGG boots begging to retire as I just threw another set of inserts into them and sets of socks which may or may-not match.

Despite all of this I’ve stopped lookin in the mirror as well as looking “downward” as microscopically as I always have over the past several months so when I found my tweezers tonight and did a close up in the bathroom zoom up-close-&-personal mirror I was horrified at my findings.

Before I go any farther I’m going to call bull-shit before any other females pop-off and proudly state that they do not have unseemly man-hair popping up in the most un-ladylike of places on their own persons.

I’m even going to go one step further and declare that if you don’t just wait because you will.

It’s an inevitable part of begin a woman and I’ve decided it’s all Eve’s fault so good luck correcting that err in judgement.

There’s only been a handful of real-women who will cop to this freakish punishment of nature and state out-loud their own crop of unsightly coarse and dark-as-night-man-hair growing on their own bodies.

These women, the few who willing admit to this travesty, I immediately feel a kinship and sisterhood with as a least they have the balls to admit this horrific reality…

For those ladies who have made it to 40 and still deny this unpredictable fact then sisters I have some advice for you:

Look a little closer.

But before you do may I suggest a stiff shot of your favorite adult elixir & your best pair of tweezers in hand as what you discover may disgust & mystify you all in one shot.

Men probably won’t discover this wiry man-hair growing on you because well typically they don’t look that close. Or maybe they do? And just don’t say anything or that’s why they don’t call again?

However me? Well, I can still recall the first time I realized I was growing some rogue chin-man-hair like it was yesterday and it was over 20 years ago.

Let’s set the stage…

Driving alongside what would later be my first husband on a beautifully sunny summer day as we were all dolled up driving to our party destination chatting & blasting the tunes with the two front windows partially down as the warm sultry summer breeze glided over the countryside in through the cracks of the windows and over our bare skins…

Listening to the most amazing old-school Rock on the super amped up stock radio built into his midnight blue fully-loaded SS 4-door Bonneville he reaches over in an attempt to grab a loose hair from my chin and brush it away as the sun light had caught it at just the right angle making its appearance known…

Imagine both our surprises when he tugged on it with the intention of quickly whisking it away only to find it securely attached to none other than my chin.

It’s at times like these in both victims life’s that both people want to find the nearest rock and hide under it hoping the other person who just witnessed the disgusting thing about you, really didn’t or would even better; forget.

Of course neither of you are able to forget the first discovery but for the woman growing this unknown man-hair it stays with her forever.

I suspect that dudes although grossed out temporarily already knew it was a matter of time before their own perfect Goddess Tigress woman would begin to grow them as they themselves fondly remember their grandmothers, great aunts and mothers at some point growing the same crop of sporadically placed individual coarse-man-hairs as they themselves recall spotting the vine growing out from their beloved ancestors chin or chest grabbing it and twisting it around their child-sized fingers…

It’s not just our chin that this spawn of hell springs from either.  However I won’t be going into those areas tonight but I will say that this picture I’ve posted tonight was all removed from the waist up…

At any rate my advice to all of you is this:

Shit just happens. Try not to fight it and dear God do not shave that shit as it will only make it 100000% worse.

Find your perfect set of tweezers and accept & embrace your destiny.

Eve fucked the entire gig up for us chicks so accept & embrace all that is your hot-mess of a Goddess-self and arm yourself with the best-for-you set of tweezers.

Grab an extra set too for your purse as the sun will become your friend…